Losing Anger, Lust and Ego
In so many religious frameworks, a lot of emphasis is given to the get away from deficiencies like Anger, Lust, Attachment etc. But the way this ideal is approached is very superficial.
It is one thing to have that as a goal and another to be off it. I would say that the ONLY way you can truly be “cured” of all that is when it is the quality of your transformed self. And in that transformation, changes of mind are NOT the goal. They are side effects.
If loss of lust, ego, etc is not your essence, born out of your inherent transformation – then it is a pretense. Nothing more. A thorn can’t pour perfume on itself and become a rose. Not until a thorn can be transformed into a rose will it have the quality of a rose.
So, try and be a constant witness and you will find that if it takes effort to suppress your anger outwardly when it has arisen inside, then you are indulging in pretense. Loss of Anger is not about managing the outward articulation of it.. but total loss of inward reaction. Is that what is happening with most? NO! If not, then they are in an exercise of MAJOR PRETENSE!
I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to feign to myself. If anger arises in me, I want to let it out. One day the situation will work on me so that the anger itself will cease to arise in me. Then, there will be no need for outward articulation. I don’t want to pretend I am not angry outwardly, when I am clearly inwardly. Because I would lose the opportunity to fundamentally cure myself. Nothing short of that will do for me.
So, while I can understand and respect the insistence on people trying to focus on removing the Ego, Attachment, Anger etc – which are merely mind-deficiencies, I just think they haven’t been well understood by most people.
I will not pretend that I don’t judge or make assumptions. I do. And that happens because that is the work of the mind and necessary job-hazard of a relationship. Relationships entail expectations, and expectations stand on the legs of assumptions. I am not mature – as of now – to be free of the need for relationships. My ego gets invested.
And, I don’t want to run away from that fact. I want to work on myself till I am free of any need for relationship. That day, the rest of the stuff – expectations, assumptions – will also go away.
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